I don’t know about y’all, but clutter is one of my biggest enemies.
It took me YEARS to recognize that it was spark to the special hellfire that is #adhd triggered #anxiety.
So why is it so hard for me to throw things away this time of the year? What fever dream created the illusion that even junk is better than nothing?
I think it’s rooted in the fear of things lacking…of going without in the darkest days.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not scared of the dark. I’ve made my way in and out of enough caverns to know my way through.
What I AM scared of is not having the things I need to feel safe in there.
…. but is clutter REALLY the light I need on the path before me?
….and has that thinking served me well in the past?
Here’s the deal: I’ve been in a really dark place.
That’s why I’ve lowered my voice to a whisper and why you haven’t heard from me.
It’s not entirely unexpected, right?
A spirit healer in the middle of a really intense season of death, who has unresolved grief, anger and pain? Who hasn’t even begun to glimpse the depth of the summer’s betrayal.
Yeah, it was bound to happen.
….and it’s scary…
Because every other time I’ve been through this part of the cycle, I’ve burned everything down to the ground, just to create a new start.
…but not this time.
This time, I’m doing it differently.
I’m texting friends and letting them know that I’m in a bad place.
I’m finding joy in celebrating the successes of others.
I’m finding positive ways to make myself feel safe.
…and that makes all the difference.
At least there are fewer missing pieces this time.
At least now I know how to calm that scared little girl inside that carries this fear.
At least this time…I am not alone.
I you all. Hope you’re thriving in this beautiful transformational energy, this season.
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